Can insecurity be a goal?

Growing up I went to school in the same district with the same kids for all of my childhood and adolescence.  I always thought that I would give that kind of stability and security (and boredom) to my own children, but it turns out that between my two kids they have attended 7 different schools over the past 12 years.  So  far. Each time they started a new school was a learning experience, and though it has all turned out well it caused quite a bit of anxiety, and guilt too.  After all, we want to protect our kids from these traumatic experiences, right?

School 1, Day 1

Now that I’m older, I realize that we have the power to frame the change in our lives as frightening, or as exciting. Both feelings are physiologically similar; they make our hearts race, our palms sweat and our breath quicken.  The edge of a higher diving board, the top of a new ski slope and the start of a new relationship all have something in common.  They can be scary and uncomfortable or exhilarating and empowering.  Putting a positive spin on the feelings that accompany new challenges is a gift we can give our children and ourselves.  In fact, I am beginning to wonder if stability and security are overrated.

She probably went to more than one school.
Photo:besidemeallalong.blogspot.com

Consider that when our parents were in the workforce they expected to be with one company for life.  Now, according to the Department of Labor, workers between the ages of 18 and 38 will change jobs an average of 10 times.  So, it seems that learning to deal with change in a positive way has become a valuable tool for the way we work.  As an extension, doesn’t it also help us deal with the unexpected and explore new directions in our personal lives? How many times will we be called on to open ourselves to new circumstances, ideas and behaviors as we age?

It concerns me that as we age we are naturally less open to change.  According to Scientific American (December, 2008) we are best suited to change in our twenties. Slowly over the ensuing years our personalities rust, turning us into creaky old people who can’t accept new flavors of Metamucil, never mind new ideas.  Some of this increased resistance to change is due to getting to know ourselves and our likes and dislikes, but other resistance is embedded in the human condition, and is well documented in change models.  Much of the research in change has been done in organizations, but is well suited to describe our personal lives as well:

Change mode:deltaplus3.com

I especially like this model because it highlights the emotional aspects of change, and our almost certain resistance at every age.  It also assumes the eventual integration of new things into our lives.  Otherwise we would be like a car going up a steep, icy hill, sliding backwards and then congratulating ourselves for reaching the bottom, going nowhere and not knowing any better.  Wouldn’t it be better to accept a new route, or at least put chains on?

To me, change is more than a model; it is a challenge to stay open and to keep learning. Because there is at least a chance that stability can become a stumbling block.  Maybe a little insecurity is not a bad thing.  Maybe it should be a goal.