You've been added.

I started writing about the predominance of dead parents in movies (understandably I take exception to this) and in the course of my research I stumbled upon this ad:

Suddenly, being dead seemed to be the least of my worries.  This ad sells video games.  Here is another ad that makes games attractive to kids by demonstrating how horrified mothers are when viewing game clips:

As a sponge cake lover and a mother I admit to feeling a range of emotions, but then I realized that these ads are an outgrowth of commercial indoctrination that has been going on for years. 

Our commercials have morphed into ads for anti-authoritarianism, if not a beginner’s guide to criminality.  In a single morning of cartoons your children might see rabbits and leprechauns neatly tricked out of their own food, candy ads promising that their product will buy you enough time to come up with a viable lie, teens happily bursting out of a factory with stolen goods under the protest of security guards and a prison uniform clad burglar who is addicted to thieving fast food hamburgers. Lots of writing has been done lamenting the effects of this advertising on our children’s health habits, but little has been written about the underlying morality message and its effect on our changing social norms.

Photo: Ideaspasm.com

We parents survived (with various scars) the creepiness of the Burger King guy showing up uninvited in our bedrooms, giant pitchers of Kool-Aid smashing through our walls and freaky decapitated doll heads. What makes today’s ads different? Sheer numbers. In the1960s, kid’s programming consisted of 27 hours a week, mostly concentrated on Saturday mornings. By 2009 Common Sense reports that  90% of our kids are “frequently” parked in front of the television selecting programming from 14 children’s networks that are on 24 hours per day. Average screen time for adolescents age 8-18 has grown to 7.5 hours per day...11 hours per day if you count the multiple screens they are viewing simultaneously. And according to Pediatrics (December 2006) young kids are unable to distinguish between truth and the hyperbole of advertising. Dale Kunkel, PhD, at the University of California, Santa Barbara cautions "To young children, advertising is just as credible as Dan Rather reading the evening news is to an adult." The more kids watch the more firmly they believe.

The remote too?  Now you've gone too far.
Photo:Telegraph.co.uk

Kids are just starting everything earlier these days.
Photo: Unliberaledwoman.com

Repetition is a primary tool in brainwash.  Neuroscientist Kathleen Taylor explains that repetition is an integral part of brainwashing techniques because “connections between neurons become stronger when exposed to incoming signals with higher frequency and intensity.” Advertisers have known this for a long time, seeding media buys in viewing blocks—hoping to achieve the 9 exposures necessary to grow new consumers.

Yup, looks like nine.
Photo: david.dicke.com

Once ideas take root in young individuals they are likely thrive. Taylor argues that people in their teenage years and early twenties are more susceptible to persuasion. Her research demonstrated that individuals who have undergone indoctrination have more “rigid pathways” in the parts of their brain dedicated to reasoning, and that means brainwashed individuals will be “less likely to rethink situations or be able to later reorganize these pathways.” The bottom line here is that your child may be permanently if subtly shaped by observing a commercial that encourages lying as a problem-solving technique or stealing as a form of fun. Or worse.

Photo: Loves.cosmetics.com

Even if your child escapes pathological lying as a coping technique there are other effects of massive amounts of screen time and unsupervised viewing. For example, RAND research confirms that teens are twice as likely to have sex if they see it portrayed on television, and children as early as 4 years old actually aspire to be bullies after seeing it modeled on television. Oh, but there’s more! Frequent TV viewers have smaller vocabularies, have a higher chance of obesity and are more materialistic (Palo Alto Medical Foundation) Finally, these shows effect parents.  More and more, parents are lowering their expectations of kids, accepting the portrayal of sneaky, rebellious, drug addled idiots as a norm (Stern, 2005.)

“Television viewing is a highly complex, cognitive activity, during which children are actively involved in learning” (Anderson & Collins, 1988) What they are learning can only be mitigated by educating them, early, about the nature of television, making them more savvy about the goals of advertisers.  Above all don’t accept the role that advertisers have assigned us as parents.  We don’t have to be dead, or dunderheads, or evil or accept abuse in their quest for profit. 

                                                     

                                                                   Just for fun:

Love Matters

Photo:Roscoe.com

Recently, we shared the joy of a family wedding.  It was a casually elegant wedding, with al fresco dining and fine wine under Sonoma oak trees festooned with fairy lights.  Everything felt easy and natural there among the vines, and nobody forgot the fact that this was a celebration of two people in love. As I unpacked from this charming event I made the mistake of flipping on the television.  And there, snarling at me from the screen was a “Bridezilla” who was angry at her bridesmaids' refusal to wear ridiculous dresses.

What?  I'm sure they could wear these again...
Photo: Onewed.com

It is no surprise that under the stress of planning a wedding people may not be at their best, especially when being goaded by directors and camera crews.  In “Bridezilla” we get to see the worst moments of a bride’s preparations, while the groom generally spends his time looking for a rear exit.  I found myself shouting unsolicited advice to the television screen.  “Uh oh boyfriend, she is not going to get any nicer over the years...get out now! Go!” 

Last chance.
Photo: Animationsa2z

Now, if this were the only reality show dealing with the peccadilloes of overwrought brides it might be excusable as a novelty.  But there is a hearty list of similar shows for your consumption.  “David Tutera” was probably designing a wedding on another channel at that very moment. “Say Yes to the Dress” and the inexplicable spin-offs of that program squeezes brides into bejeweled sheathes across America, while their parents clutch their wallets in fear. In “Four Weddings” and “Platinum Weddings” couples seem to be in a mad contest to spend the most money on the most outrageous choices they can muster, while families who struggle to muster rent and food watch in a sort of “I can’t look away” horror.

Does this make me look fat?
Photo: Geeknaut.com

Why the fascination? Girls are trained from an early age to look forward to “their moment.”   Weddings are big business, ruled by trends and social pressure.  Every year 2.5 million couples get married and  Wikpedia estimates that the average wedding now costs about half a year’s income for middle class families.  All together, the final industry figure is over 40 billion dollars a year for wedding related purchases.  And the excesses seem to be on the rise.  Consider Renee Strausse’s dress for her wedding to jeweler Martin Katz in 2006--the world’s most expensive wedding dress at $12 million dollars (can you dry clean that?) But you can’t buy love!  Divoricerate.org tells us that half of weddings will end in divorce no matter how pretty the dress was, or how elaborate the venue.  In California a shocking 75% of couples will split. Just ask Liza Minelli and David Gest, who split only a year after spending 3.5 million dollars on their wedding extravaganza.

Is $12 million too much for you to spend on a dress?
Photo: yahoo.com

No worries!  Pick this one up for only$8.5 million!
Photo: Kystud.com

 Until the Middle Ages, a wedding ceremony looked like this:  “Here is a piece of fruit. Come live in my house.“ It wasn't until the marriage of Prince Albert to Queen Victoria in her white satin that women even started thinking about wearing specially purposed wedding gowns.   In fact, most of the traditions we practice today weren’t developed until after 1920 when the divorce rate was only about 13% (yes, I know there are lots of factors, but go ahead, just watch “Bridezilla” and tell me I’m wrong.)

Will you marry me?
Photo: Smithsonianmag.com

I'm not saying that it is wrong to have a memorable event.  But brides and couples who start their married lives in extreme excess seem to be celebrated in a very public way.  “This is my day.” Bridezilla says. “It’s all about me.” And they spend, spend, spend to prove it.  Perhaps they need to be reminded that it is not about them, it is not about the day, it is about a partnership, and a lifetime.

No caption needed.
Photo: Foxy955.com

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher were married on May 13, 1924 in North Carolina. In her wedding photo she wears a simple dress and poses at home. The Fishers stayed married for nearly 87 years, through wars, depression, the civil rights movement and 15 different presidents.   They raised 5 children together and lived in the house that they built by their own hand. In 2008 interview Zelmyra mused that perhaps they stayed married for so long because they shared the title of “boss.” 

My beautiful cousin smiled calmly at her wedding last month.  She said, “If it wasn’t perfect I didn’t notice, and that’s OK.”  And that made it perfect, in every important way. Congratulations.

Fixed Up

I love Home Depot. It’s such a positive place. Even the name “depot” promises a journey. A place of promise, of empowerment, of endless opportunity. A way station on our journey of making a home.  Of home improvement.

How I feel when I start a project.
Photo: scavangeinc.com

Soon after.
Photo: epa.gov

Two thirds of homeowners say that they will undertake renovation projects of some type this year. In spite of the still sluggish economy, people plan to invest in their home, though they will reduce their  average spending from $6200 to $3400.  Many say they will make up the difference by doing some or all of the work themselves. *

Will be bludgeoning each other soon.
Photo: homeimprovementstip.com

 Over half of the re-dos will be inside, led by bathroom makeovers.  That means we will roll up our sleeves and try to tile, set toilets, paint, place cabinetry and screw in towel racks.  About a third will be outdoors, setting up solar systems, planting gardens and building decks.  Let’s face it.  Some of us will be more successful than others.

Start with small projects.
Photo: 204.115.34. 

Personally, I was born to live in a condo.  Without my husband’s unexpected skill in running electrical wire, fixing plumbing and grouting things I would be at the mercy of contractors.  Until the day he cut off his finger (ground it off actually) in a woodworking mishap I thought he could do just about any home improvement project. 

I, on the other hand, in spite of having all of my limbs and digits intact, have failed miserably at a long list of projects. As early as the 70s I was planting melons on hillsides (the ripening fruit rolling downhill into the neighbor’s dandelion patch,) trying to refinish crown molding while it was still up and fussing over holes in the second floor bathroom large enough to see people below while sitting on the pot.  I have rolled out sod that turned to weeds in a season,  and childproofed my drawers permanently shut. My husband likened my wallpapering efforts to an old I Love Lucy rerun.  Most recently I spackled and painted in the guest room, trailing dried bits of spackle and inkblot patterns of tan paint throughout the house. 

Tell me what you see in the paint blots.
Photo: Flickr.com

In spite of my many failures, I have endless enthusiasm for Home Depot and the unexplored lands of just-right lighting fixtures, mysterious plumbing parts, giant racks of raw wood and voltage meters that make me want to build homemade batteries.  I have developed some loose guidelines for navigating the store: 

Never hire an electrician with the nickname of "Sparky."
Photo: hccs.edu

1. Bring the biggest vehicle you own.  You may think you are shopping for lightbulbs, but you have to walk through shelving, paint, and bathroom cabinets to get there.  And trying to squeeze a pedestal sink into a Prius can be a rough start to your new project.

This doesn't seem like a good choice.
Photo: cnet.com

Neither does this.

   
  

Until you consider this.
Photo:homedepot.com

2. Prep is critical.  Measure stuff before you go, twice. Jot down sizes and colors.  Bring swatches. Leave someone at home with a tape measure and a cell phone.

Prep is very important.  Move items before painting.
Photo: Sodahead.com

3.  Go without kids.  My older daughter has a penchant for building and wearing robot heads in the sheet metal department, or installing intricate pvc pipe sculptures in the garden section.  My younger marches angrily through the store, pointing out problems with sustainability and the various manufacturers’ failures to meet basic environmental or energy standards.

Do we have to buy these now?
Photos: uws.edu.au/Businessinsider.com

4. Go with someone knowledgeable. My favorite trips are with my husband, who is genetically coded to understand and embrace artifacts like sprinkler heads, copper wire, and ceiling fans.  Going to Home Depot with Paul is like going to visit the Grand Canyon and being guided by a Paleo-Indian from 8,000 B. C. It is his native habitat.

Paul knows what all these things are.
Photo: carrborofire.org

5.  Finally, have the phone number of a contractor available.

The right contractor can be worth the extra cost.
Photo:ladyjaynesradingden.com

 As I stand in the spacious aisles at Home Depot, I breathe in the scent of paint (oh, I guess that explains my euphoria ) and like a mother who gave birth I forget my painful experiences, my messy projects, my plain old humiliating moments and plunge into a new project.  This one is bound to go well.

The store offers help with any project.
Photo: beebla.com

Home Depot has everything you need for a great weekend.
Photo: dr.heckel.com

*(American Express Spending and Saving Tracker.)

What are you wearing?

I have lost some weight.  Slowly, over months and months, I have shrunk to the point of looking like a child playing dress up in her Mother’s clothes. The other day my belt went past the last hole, and I realized that I could not put off anymore that which I had been dreading for some time.  Shopping for all new clothes.

Wardrobe emergency.
Photo:Parentingmagic.com

 Let me tell you something you already know.  “Clothes make the (wo)man.”  This truism is the common sense distillation of a field of study called Semiotics (or Semiology if you are in fashionable Paree.) Our clothing provides clues to class, religion, trendiness, personal and cultural values.  In other words, what we wear (among other codes) helps those around us place us into appropriate categories.

Sometimes whole new categories are needed.
Photo:Peopleofwallmart.com

I tried an experiment when I was teaching.  I asked my students to write about two very differently dressed subjects in a set of photos.  Not a single student ever raised a hand to ask me how they would know anything at all about these people.  Every student felt completely comfortable making judgments about the subjects in the photos based solely on appearance. The people in the photos were given names, goals, a lifestyle and even personal values based on how they looked. My class sorted out the people in the photos in the same way an interviewer, a potential mate, the school principle and the bridge club sort you.

   

Who is this...
Photo: wired.com

and who is this?
Photo: zimbio.com

Remembering this classroom exercise, I find myself a bit anxious about choosing clothes.  It seems that shopping might be more than just a fun way to spend an afternoon.  It is shaping up to be an existential experience.  My friend Robin says I dress too conservatively.  I didn’t think I was conservative. My daughter Lia tells me that ruffles are too girlie.  Am I not feminine enough for ruffles?  Husband Paul tells me to buy shorter shorts.  In pink.  Is he wishing I were younger?  Then there is my always succinct daughter Brooke telling me to “wear whatever the &%#@ you want.“ But will she be seen with me if I do?

Fashion advice: No ruffles

Fashion advice: Whatever.

 Putting friends and family aside, I decided to turn to YouTube to see if I could figure out what a reasonably well-dressed fifty-something person might buy these days.  My search term turned up a collection of high fashion models wearing see-through clothes at construction sites, Lady Gaga in a meat dress and a collection of unusual WallMart patrons.  Given my aversion to clothing optional construction sites, my budding vegetarianism and the lack of a Wallmart within 50 miles, it looks like I am on my own to find my place on the broad spectrum of fashion choices.

Not for me (the dress)
Photo: Joop.com

No.
(Does it come in chicken?)
Photo: Thedailygreen.com

Definitely not.
Photo: Peopleofwallmart.com

As I get ready to hit the stores, it occurs to me that we are all playing dress up.  We dress to show respect, to have fun, to blend in and to stand out.  It may take awhile to amass a wardrobe that can do all of those things.  I guess I’ll just poke another hole in my belt and take my time.

Photo: Rockymountaintelegram.com

I'm Pumped

We had our septic tank pumped this morning.  “Best close your windows and doors” came the good advice of the Honey Bucket Man “this can be pretty powerful stuff.” An hour later 1200 pounds of, er, waste, was out of our septic tank and in his truck ready to go wherever it is that takes such loads.  “You folks are pretty healthy” he pronounced as he peeled off his gloves.  “Sometimes I see a foot of grease on top of all the poop.” I felt strangely relieved, in the same way that you are relieved when you wear your good underwear to the doctor’s office and then he unexpectedly asks you to take your pants off.  But I digress (and do you blame me?) Septic grease is the grossest thing I have thought about in a long time, and I wondered what it is that we are eating that could reformulate into a foot of grease?

Could be this fried cheese inside a grilled cheese sandwich...
Photo: Denny's

Or this double grilled cheese with a burger in the middle...
Photo: Friendly's

Or maybe this "buns are for sissies" offering from KFC.
Photo: KFC

I’m sure you’re not surprised that Americans eat a lot of junk food.  CBS reports that every single day one in four Americans eats fast food. Let’s see... (math in progress) that means every day almost 80 million people eat fast food! It adds up. According to The Secret Life of Food we each average:

•                50 pounds of cookies and cakes

•                100 pounds of refined sugar

•                55 pounds of fat and oil

•                300 containers of soda

•                20 gallons of ice cream

•                5 pounds of potato chips

•                18 pounds of candy

•                2 pounds of popcorn

•                unknown quantity of pretzels and a wide variety of snack foods

This...

Is destined to become this. Yes, I showed it.

Photo:s Frisky.com/Indianapolisplumbers.com

“But wait,” you skeptics may say in that smug way of yours. “Just because we eat at a fast food restaurant does not mean we make those bad choices.”  But bad choices are easy to make at fast food places.  I mean, there are the obvious bad choices (last time I checked triple-creamy milkshakes were not on any diet plan,) but some pretty nasty foods can be laid on top of lettuce and passed off as a salad. For example, a Chipotle Steak Taco Salad will come in at 900 calories, 57g of fat, and 1,480 mg of sodium. It is actually worse than a McDonald’s Quarter Pounderä (730 calories, 40 grams of fat, 1330 milligrams of sodium.)

Not an actual salad (go ahead, look it up.)
Photo: Taco Bell

My septic guy was kind enough to describe the clues he saw in our tank, but not everything that goes into our body comes back out.  Fast food consumption has expanded by 500% since 1970, and our girths have expanded as well. NPR tells us that more than 33% of Americans are now obese, and by 2020 that number is expected to creep close to 50%.  The next generation of obese adults is ready to step in and take their place.  In a Pediatrics article (January 2007) Dr. D. Ludwig studied over 6000 kids, and noted that over 30% of them ate fast food each day, consuming nearly 200 extra calories per day and on track to gain an extra 6 pounds every year.

Potato is a vegetable, right?
Photo: digiguide.tv

Here’s a few things you can doo (sorry):  Choose small fries instead of large.  A hamburger instead of a big Mac. Mustard instead of special sauce.  How about getting your salad dressing on the side?  Lots of calories and fats sneak into fast food salads that way. In general, beware of adjectives on the menu like “fried, breaded, smothered, mega, crispy, glazed, slammed, dunked, layered, creamy, super, filling, platter, triple, sampler”, and the ubiquitous “enough to share,” which you should definitely share. Of course none of these works as well as driving past the king, or clown or bells that are beckoning you to overindulge.

Wearing his food choices.
Photo: blissreturned.wordpress.com

My septic guy claims he can actually gauge life expectancy from poop--sort of like tea leaves, but with a scientific foundation.  The grease he sees in the tank foretells the relative likelihood of high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure and ultimately, an early death.  Fast food restaurants insist that the state of our septic tank is not their concern, and frankly I agree.  It's up to us.

Please listen to this lady.

Maybe not so much. (Love her recipe for deep fried mac and cheese though!)

Note:  If you prefer to gross yourself out and away from fast food (and there are lots of opportunities to do that) you may find this blog informative and entertaining:

http://blissreturned.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/tales-from-the-fast-food-kitchen-what-the-h-is-that-made-of/
  

alternatively read a good book on the fast food industry like Fast Food Nation, or Supersize Me.