What are you wearing?

I have lost some weight.  Slowly, over months and months, I have shrunk to the point of looking like a child playing dress up in her Mother’s clothes. The other day my belt went past the last hole, and I realized that I could not put off anymore that which I had been dreading for some time.  Shopping for all new clothes.

Wardrobe emergency.
Photo:Parentingmagic.com

 Let me tell you something you already know.  “Clothes make the (wo)man.”  This truism is the common sense distillation of a field of study called Semiotics (or Semiology if you are in fashionable Paree.) Our clothing provides clues to class, religion, trendiness, personal and cultural values.  In other words, what we wear (among other codes) helps those around us place us into appropriate categories.

Sometimes whole new categories are needed.
Photo:Peopleofwallmart.com

I tried an experiment when I was teaching.  I asked my students to write about two very differently dressed subjects in a set of photos.  Not a single student ever raised a hand to ask me how they would know anything at all about these people.  Every student felt completely comfortable making judgments about the subjects in the photos based solely on appearance. The people in the photos were given names, goals, a lifestyle and even personal values based on how they looked. My class sorted out the people in the photos in the same way an interviewer, a potential mate, the school principle and the bridge club sort you.

   

Who is this...
Photo: wired.com

and who is this?
Photo: zimbio.com

Remembering this classroom exercise, I find myself a bit anxious about choosing clothes.  It seems that shopping might be more than just a fun way to spend an afternoon.  It is shaping up to be an existential experience.  My friend Robin says I dress too conservatively.  I didn’t think I was conservative. My daughter Lia tells me that ruffles are too girlie.  Am I not feminine enough for ruffles?  Husband Paul tells me to buy shorter shorts.  In pink.  Is he wishing I were younger?  Then there is my always succinct daughter Brooke telling me to “wear whatever the &%#@ you want.“ But will she be seen with me if I do?

Fashion advice: No ruffles

Fashion advice: Whatever.

 Putting friends and family aside, I decided to turn to YouTube to see if I could figure out what a reasonably well-dressed fifty-something person might buy these days.  My search term turned up a collection of high fashion models wearing see-through clothes at construction sites, Lady Gaga in a meat dress and a collection of unusual WallMart patrons.  Given my aversion to clothing optional construction sites, my budding vegetarianism and the lack of a Wallmart within 50 miles, it looks like I am on my own to find my place on the broad spectrum of fashion choices.

Not for me (the dress)
Photo: Joop.com

No.
(Does it come in chicken?)
Photo: Thedailygreen.com

Definitely not.
Photo: Peopleofwallmart.com

As I get ready to hit the stores, it occurs to me that we are all playing dress up.  We dress to show respect, to have fun, to blend in and to stand out.  It may take awhile to amass a wardrobe that can do all of those things.  I guess I’ll just poke another hole in my belt and take my time.

Photo: Rockymountaintelegram.com