Sext Now, Pay Later

Your teenager cannot help having a cluttered and chaotic brain.  According to brain research* at about age 11 or so the brain starts to specialize. It prunes connections that aren’t used (like good manners and neatness) and begins to strengthen remaining pathways (vampire movies and Starbucks.) During this rewiring project, which goes on until about age 18, there is a good bit of construction going on in the prefrontal cortex area of the brain.  That’s the area responsible for rational behavior, and forseeing the consequences of one's actions.  Unfortunately, the prefrontal cortex is mostly closed  for business during this messy undertaking-- live wires sticking out everywhere--and the hard work of making decisions is left to the more primal, emotional part of their brain, like the limbic system.

Actual diagram of teen brain.
Photo: Uphaa.com

OK, clearly I am not a neurologist.  I am a parent, and so while I may have fudged the anatomical details a little, the point is that teenagers (much like congressmen and professional athletes) think with their fully functional pleasure center, without worrying about what happens next. And that’s why they sext.

Sexting is the practice of texting sexually explicit pictures using the iPhone you just bought them.  It is most prevalent with young teens, and it is generally illegal. 

About 80% of American teens age 12-17 own a cell phone.  You probably allow it for safety, and for social reasons.   But your teen may be much more social than you think.  About a third of cell phone-toting  teens are sending over 100 text messages each day.  Some of those messages may be inappropriate.

A survey by TRU** reveals that nearly two out of every five teens using a cell phone will send and/or post sexually suggestive messages to each other.  One in every five teens will send and/or post nude or semi-nude pictures or video.

She lost her phone, but it was found.
Photo: GooGaGe.com

Of course they have excellent reasons (by teen limbic brain standards.)  About 75% of teens who have sent or posted sexual content say it is for their boyfriend or girlfriend.  They are quite sure when they send it that it is for private use.  Perhaps if their prefrontal cortex were in better working order they might foresee that break-up was a possibility, and that the photos might ultimately be used for sport, for revenge or worse.  The sad fact is that almost 40% of teens have viewed sexually explicit texts or emails that were meant for someone else.

After the break up
Photo: Singlemindedwoman.com

These sexts (and subsequent posts) can be very embarrassing, but they can also be damaging in more serious ways.  In Cincinnati a girl named Jessica Logan killed herself after the humiliation and bullying she was subjected to when her boyfriend forwarded a nude photo to hundreds of teenagers (Cincinnati.com.)  Frighteningly, TRU tells us that 15% of nude sexts and posts by teens are actually meant for  complete strangers who were known only through their online identities and who could have any number of motives.  

DA Risa Vetri Ferman of Montgomery County confirms that teens have been harassed, stalked and blackmailed after sexting photos, and that law enforcement agencies are becoming progressively more involved. It is illegal to take, send or post a picture of a nude underage person, regardless of the age of the person taking the picture. These acts constitute child pornography and your teen can be prosecuted for engaging in the practice.

Hard to text in cuffs.
Photo: Eurweb.com

If your kid stays out of jail, there may be other consequences.  Kaplan finds that 10% of colleges routinely check for online posts when making decisions for admissions, scholarships and campus jobs.  And electronic transmissions are forever.  Career Builder tells us that 22% of hiring managers will check your kid’s posts, and Computerworld found that one third of those who checked for inappropriate content found something that caused them to eliminate the job candidate from consideration.

Um, could I just check my emails real quick?
Photo: Screened.com

Before you try locking your kid in a small closet with a bucket and a slit for food, or taking their cell phones away (equally punitive measures in a teen’s world) know that help is on the horizon.  Apple was recently granted a patent that blocks sexting, though it is not yet available.  In the meantime, make sure your kids understand: 

Anything you text and/or post is in the public domain. Forever.  Assume someone you don’t like, or don’t want will eventually view what you send.

You can’t take it back. “Send” takes away all of your options.

Don’t cave to pressure. (About half of girls say their boyfriends pressured them to sext.)

Delete pictures that are sent to you. You can be arrested for having or forwarding them, and you can’t keep them once you are in jail anyway.

Understand the consequences. Loss of self-respect, crazy strangers, public humiliation, blown college admissions or scholarships, job loss or even jail. Yah, you look hot, but is it really worth it?

  Maybe you don't look that hot after all.
Photo of Miley: Hipsterrunoff.com

Ultimately, as parents it is helpful to recognize that the messy bundle that is your kid’s frontal lobe is not fully functional at this time.  Your kid’s brain is under serious construction, and while you wait for all of the wiring to be connected properly you may need to step in and remind them to glance at the blueprints before they act.

Photo: Guardian.co.uk

* More information on teen brain development can be found in the book Primal Teen by B. Strauch, pbs.org, and scholastic.com.

**The survey was conducted by TRU (tru-insight.com)to a total of 653 teens (ages 13-19) between September 25, 2008 and October 3, 2008.