Meating Old Friends

My childhood friend came out to visit last week, and brought me lots of memories that she's been holding for both of us.  I spent a week laughing about childhood shenanigans, I cried when we could finally mourn lost family together and I spent way too much money shopping.  Now that she's gone and I am falling back into the rhythms of my own life, I have one lingering regret.  That we didn't eat more hamburgers.

How many burgers does it take to satisfy a couple of Ohio girls?
Photo: foodnetwork.co.uk

Oh, I know.  Hamburgers are bad for you.  But it was good for me, a mother of two mysteriously vegetarian offspring, to order hamburgers with no guilt.  Sitting across from my vegetarian daughters and my foodie husband makes it far less enjoyable to order a real thick, juicy hamburger.  Preferably with cheese. And grilled onions.  It causes my poor children to turn slightly green and look away, as though I am openly picking my nose or wearing the fur of an endangered animal.

I know this affection I have for meat is wrong.  The World Watch Institute and the Watch Mom Eat Institute (OK, I made that one up) remind me that livestock emit 16 percent of harmful methane gasses. With meat, the average U.S. diner requires twice as much water per person per day than a vegetarian.  A diet high in meat can use  two to four times more land--sometimes deforested land--than a vegetarian diet.

It's just not the same.
Photo: wellsphere.com

Then there are the health concerns. Red and processed meats have been associated with an elevated risk with colorectal cancer, cholesterol, and heart disease.

 Let’s not even get into the unethical business practices of the large beef producers and distributers.*

I always wanted to be a salad person.  One who picks at her food or forgets to eat lunch entirely.  But I am a meat person who seldom misses a meal (see profile photo.)  Whether it is my upbringing, my palate or sheer stubbornness, I love my burgers. 

Are those tomatoes really necessary?
Photo: Nancy'srecipes.com

 What makes it worse is that I love food but I’m not a foodie.  My lovely husband has taken me to many elegant restaurants and despite my best intentions I end up scanning the menu for the plainest, most savory food available. For me, ordering gourmet delicacies on one of our dates is like golfing at a really nice golf course.  It’s a waste of money that leaves me unsatisfied, and a little embarrassed. Just as I prefer our local 9-hole course, I prefer the diner, with its charcoal smells, the sound of grease fans going full blast, the formica floors and the tabletop jukeboxes. 

What I eat when I need a break from burgers.

In this age of conscientious eating, meat has become my vice. Forget the heroin, after my kids move out I am sitting down with a side of beef for a three day burger bender.  The smell of pot roast and root vegetables will be thick in the air. I will carve the leftover tofu into the shape of a cow and use it as a centerpiece.  Meanwhile, I have taken the following measures as outlined by Progress Report.cancer.gov in their Dietary Guidelines for Americans (DGA.)  Who knows, maybe they will become permanent:

Eat meat in moderation

According to the DGA we can eat 18 oz. per week.  I was surprised at their generosity, until I realize how large most restaurant portions can be.  So, it works out to about one steak and one burger per week. Still, it’s do-able.

Order or buy the best cuts available

Ground meat that you buy in the market is usually clearly marked for cut and fat content.  Stick to single source cuts (like round or sirloin) and look for the lowest fat content possible.  Also, look for origin; cattle raised on grass produce healthier meat.

Prep properly

Try baking or broiling meat rather than frying or grilling it to avoid the use of additional fats or the potential carcinogenic effects of char.

Leave off the fatty side dishes

Sigh.

Photo: laughparty.com

These are good first steps to cutting down on the consumption of meat. As a safeguard, I have my girls and my guilt keep me in line.  Oh, I can’t wait for my friend to come back and visit again in the near future. But I guess it would be a good idea to leave those burgers in the past.

What? It could happen!
Photo: alternativeoutfitters.com

*If you want to read further about monopolies in the beef industry, unsafe food processing and other “turn me vegetarian” topics read the excellent book “Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser.

Dress Me Up

Most of us can remember playing dress-up, pretending to be fairy princesses, cowboys or maybe space creatures.  My Mother’s tablecloth, some aluminum foil and maybe a stick had transformative powers, changing us from timid children to intrepid heroes.  As adults, I suspect that some of us still look for dignity or daring in our clothing.  We hint at who we are through our clothes, and we scan others for clues to their identities as well.

Anything is possible when you're a fairy princess
Photo: Creative-edu.com

In the field of communication studies, this is called the social construction of self and others. To illustrate the concept I used to give my students pictures of people in a variety of outfits and ask them to tell me their stories.  Never once, in 8 years of teaching, did a student say to me: “How would I know anything about them?”  The pictures seemed to have all of the information necessary for my students to construct detailed stories of the character’s lives, including political and sexual preferences, the type of work they did and even how their apartment was furnished! My daughter and I play this game in rush hour and at the mall sometimes, to pass the time. Where are they going? What will they buy today? It can be fun, but it also acts as a constant reminder that on some level, people are also making constant judgements about us.

What's the story?
Photo:Good-times.webshot.com

Wendy Leeds-Hurwitz delves into clothing as social code in her book Semiotics & Communication: Signs, Codes, Cultures. Really, the book is as tough to read as the title, but Chapter 5’s message (after 3 Advil) is quite clear.  You are what you wear. 

Unfortunately, understanding how to shape opinion through clothing is not simple.  Take bow ties.  Leeds-Hurwitz discusses gender, context and age as just some of the determining factors in whether a bow tie means a person is independent-minded or untrustworthy. Every individual piece of clothing you wear sends a message, either in harmony or discord with the other items in your ensemble. Leather jacket?  Rugged.  Paired with cashmere? Not so much. These observations seem to be common sense, but when it comes to clothing common sense seems to elude even the most determined of fashionistas.

Clothing and accessories can send mixed messages
Photo: FreeRepublic.com

Our lack of common sense has encouraged some companies to codify pretty basic rules for their employees.  For example, cab drivers in New York may not wear underwear as outerwear.  (Clearly a hardship for cab drivers; dnainfo.com reports a generally negative reaction to the rule change.) Underwear, or the lack of it is featured in any number of dress codes.  The "observable lack of undergarments" is forbidden for city workers in Brooksville, FL according to Tampa Bay Online. Brooksville adds that their employees should wear deodorant (really,who would come close?)

Is this what Brooksville was facing?
Photo: Gossiponthis.com

Yes, these are extremes, but changes in clothing through the use of dress code have had pronounced effects for many organizations.  Long Beach Unified School District has reduced gang identification with school dress codes and uniforms, dropping violence by over 76%. Callcentrehelper.com reports that British Gas’ uniform policy strengthened ties with the community and improved work attitudes.  It is probably these types of results that encouraged the 43-page dress code from UBS Bank this week. And why I read it before my job interview this morning.  I didn’t think it could hurt to try it out.  So I shaved my legs, wore underwear (under my clothes) and applied deodorant.  I buttoned my blazer and left my showy accessories at home.  Alas, I did not get the job.  Which leads me to the conclusion that you are not, after all, what you wear.  Maybe I should have stuck to fairy princess?

My next interview outfit

Doctored Up

My Jewish mother wanted her two children to be a doctor and a lawyer and was quietly disappointed when she got an advertising account exec and an entrepreneur. She told people we were an accountant and a businessman. My brother did fulfill her dream late in life with a Law degree...sort of an afterthought for him. I went back to school too, but confused her even more when I came out with a Master’s in Communication.  “Vat is dat?,” she would ask.  “You graduated in talking?!”  

I always had the secret desire to go on with my education and become a doctor for her.  Maybe not the kind she wanted.  But she would be able to tell her friends “Yes, I have two children.  One is a Lawyer, and one is a Doctor.  Not a real Doctor, but she’s a good girl.”

Mom with husband, future lawyer and future good girl.

I wanted that Ph.D. for me too.  I enjoy learning and teaching, and I wanted the skills and the feeling of completion that the degree would provide.  But I watched as some very talented colleagues (and some morons) went on to achieve their Doctorates, while I paused (temporarily, I thought) to have my children. Time passed, and now it has been more than a decade since I have been a student.

Imagine my joy when I found out that it isn’t too late to have the distinction of being Dr. Susan Burrowes.  I just have to come up with the money.

You get what you pay for.  According to cityofsmoke.com I can realize my dream for only $29.95.  That’s how much it costs for an honorary Doctor of Divinity degree from Kirby Hensley's renowned Universal Life Church.  If I want a more prestigious degree I can pony up $225 towards Trinity Institute of Christian Counseling’s online Christian outreach efforts. But they do require you to partner in their mission, and well, I can’t seem to reconcile becoming an online missionary with the goal of pleasing my Jewish mother.  Now don’t make the mistake of thinking that only religious institutions are handing out degrees.  Respected secular schools do it too.  For example, a Berkeley degree can be yours, with the suggested minimum donation hovering at $3500.

Dr. Bill Gates, h.c.
Photo: Life Magazine

Honorary degrees have been awarded since 1478, when Oxford awarded Lionel Woodville, dean of Exeter and brother-in-law to Edward IV a degree (some say to curry favor with the King.) But not all honorary degrees are bogus. Benjamin Franklin, Albert Einstein, Nelson Mandela and Maya Angelou have all been graced with well-deserved honors.  Unfortunately, they keep suspicious company.  Honorary degrees have been bestowed upon Robert Mugabe, the ruthless, senile dictator of Zimbabwe (though one of his three honorary degrees have since been stripped) and Cat Stevens, now known as Yusuf Islam, who endorsed the fatma on writer Salman Rushdie, and who refuses to shake woman’s hand. You don’t have to be a ruthless dictator or zealot misogynist to receive the honor. Business luminaries have also received the degree.  For example, Bill Gates, the chairman of Microsoft received his honorary degree from Harvard. (Dr. Gates originally dropped out of Harvard after 2 years in the undergraduate program.) Honorary degrees are also frequently awarded to music and film stars like the Bee Gees, Kim Catrell and Orlando Bloom.  But the degree that makes me feel good about my own odds is the award to Kermit the Frog. Dr. Kermit received his honorary Doctorate of Amphibious Letters from Southampton College in New York in 1996.

A proud moment for Kermit
Photo: google.com

Next time you hear a radio talk show host, a television personality, a ruthess dictator or frog referred to as Dr. or Professor, look for the telltale letters “h.c.“ This is the small print, Latin for honoris causa  "for the sake of the honour" that is supposed to be listed after the person’s name.  Other than that there are no guidelines or rules as to who can call themselves doctor.

I’m not sure my mother would have approved.  In the end, being a “good girl” was more important to her than being a doctor.  So maybe I’ll concentrate on that, and forgo the “honours.”  If there are others of you out there who have always wanted to be a doctor, but didn’t have the time (or brains) here is your big chance.  All you need is a little money, and a lot of nerve.

Doing it the hard way
Photo: worldmuralproject

www.WiseGeek.com

www.Indiatimes.com
www.guardian.co.uk
history news network

Judith O’Reilly, London Times

www.cityofsmoke.com

www.onlineschools.org

www.themoneytimes.com

knoll.google.com

Cosmopolitan University

The Experiment

I find myself in the afterglow of an unexpectedly fun vacation when we joined with  our family living across the state to share a rented house in the middle.  “Fun,” “family,” and “share” all in the same sentence? I think it was “middle” that made it all possible.  The right time, place and pace made “middle” a happy destination this Thanksgiving.

Turkey I didn't cook on a table I didn't set
Photo: Wikivisual.com

The time.

It was Thanksgiving, a vacation time sanctioned by the calendar.  Getting together around holidays makes sense, not only because they are traditional family times, but because nobody else is working (and getting ahead) while we play.  According to a 2009 study by Harris Interactive for Expedia, 34% of Americans don’t use their vacation days even though 1 in 4 working adults have trouble coping with work related stress. We get an average of 13 days per year, but due to guilt and performance pressure we leave as many as 6 of our 13 days untaken!  Compare this to France’s average of 38 days, with 2 days untaken (no wonder they have time for love.) Given our hesitation to take the time we’ve earned, the holidays are a great way to force some fun on us.

Rare photo of husband and brother not working.

The place.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love having family visit us here at our home.  But here, the joy of family comes with the job of “company.” Yes, it is a labor of love, but it is labor nonetheless. It seemed natural at our mid-state rental that everyone pitched in, and that nobody bore responsibility for the comfort and happiness of others.  Guess what?  Everyone was comfortable and happy anyway!

The pace.

More than a third of us work more than 40 hours a week.*  After work we tend to our families, our homes and our hobbies. It is not surprising then, that we lose touch even with those we hold most dear.  Vacationing together helps us find each other again. For example, I learned last week that my brother and I are more alike than I knew. It turns out we both believe in an intricate and intrinsically ordered universe AND we both hate to empty the dishwasher.  Who knew? 

There are practical considerations to a vacation: how much to spend, where to go, when to go, what to do when you get there.  But here are some ideas about our family vacations that are more about outlook that pocketbook:

Make your needs known.

For example, I wish I had stated my desire for more hiking.  My sister-in-law was surprised when I mentioned it.  She would have enjoyed it too.  Don’t assume that your ideas are less important than those of others. And don’t expect others to know what you need unless you communicate it. 

Make activities optional.

It was fun to split up into different groups at different times. I think more people did more things because less pressure meant more fun.

Be open to spontaneous happenings.

Don’t just point at that funky roadside attraction.  Stop!  Sometimes it is not the big monuments and but the small moments that make a trip, and our lives. Spend more time with your family and less time with the 42 million holiday drivers on the road.**

About  33% of Americans who vacation feel better about work when they return.* Really?  66% of people do not feel better? Maybe they are taking the wrong type of trip.  100% of our family felt better about the time we spent getting to know each other in a whole different way.  The right time, place and pace made “middle” a great destination this Thanksgiving.  And maybe next.

*Harris Interactive (2009)

** AAA (2010)