Summer camps are over, and dusk creeps in earlier each evening. Children are becoming restless with the relaxed pace of summer, and the first hint of Halloween costumes are creeping out of their retail resting places. Even in an evergreen state like California the change of season is palpable.
The waning of summer is a bittersweet time for parents. In spite of the many joys of family togetherness even the most loving parent can be excused for looking forward to the promise of peace that the school year brings.
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| Teens try to escape while parent calms them. Photo: goffvw.com |
But, before you can step into that promised land you must brave back to school shopping (BTS.) BTS is an annual late August outbreak carried by adults, but expressed in marked behavioral changes in teenagers.
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| Teen looks for brain. Photo: Suburbsanity.com |
The most frequent symptom of BTS in teens is eye rolling. You’re most likely to see this behavior emerge when you tell your teen that you will accompany them on their pre-school shopping trip. The condition should generally lessen or even resolve when money is applied. If your teens’ eye rolling deteriorates into facial contortions or mumbling, try to ease their discomfort by fanning them vigorously with your store credit cards.
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| Homeopathic cures for BTS are available in your own wallet. Photo: Fortunewatch.com |
BTS is highly contagious. Even if you make it to the mall symptom-free, be aware that just being in proximity of an adult while shopping is enough to transmit BTS to your teen at any moment. A common complication of BTS can occur if your teen is spotted at the mall by peers in the “cum parente” position; it can precipitate a crisis that can be alleviated only by jeans costing over one hundred dollars.
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| Cum Parente teens recover in a support group. Photo: Therockwallnews.com |
Unlike most bugs, BTS can cross species, travelling easily from shoppers to sales associates. With their finely tuned animal instincts, sales associates can sense the weakness of the back to school shopper. Aggressive salespeople will engage in stalking behaviors, cutting you out of the pack by introducing themselves, starting rooms for you and then providing the right sizes for the most inappropriate and most expensive items. Your only hope for escape is to hover around the sales racks until they spot more likely prey.
Once teens contract BTS their recovery is doubtful, at least for the duration of the mall trip. The best course of action is to treat yourself. Starbucks, the cookie counter and the pedi parlor are all proven therapeutic treatments for adult BTS. And hold on to the fact that BTS is a seasonal disease, which should wane along with the final days of summer.
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| BTS parent seeks refuge in remote area. Photo: Luux.com |
Once teens contract BTS their recovery is doubtful, at least for the duration of the mall trip. The best course of action is to treat yourself. Starbucks, the cookie counter and the pedi parlor are all proven therapeutic treatments for adult BTS. And hold on to the fact that BTS is a seasonal disease, which should wane along with the final days of summer.
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| Temporary relief from BTS is available. Photo: Lifewithwendy.com |
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