Waiting

As a Mom with a school age child I find that waiting has played a large part in my life, especially during activities and social time.  (I might also mention waiting to be appreciated, waiting for good manners to magically appear and waiting to be an empty nester!)

Waiting during activities

If your child starts a sport like gymnastics or swimming, and stays loyal to it for 3 years, you can potentially spend between 450 and 900 hours of your life – up to 110 days--waiting for that child.  That’s just one activity! Our family lives a bit out of the way (read “boondocks”) and so it is sometimes a challenge to know what to do with all that time. An informal poll of other loitering parents reveals that watching your child is the top way to pass time , running errands is number two, and sleeping in the car runs a close third.  I tried napping once, and dreamt that my car, which coincidentally is somewhat fishbowl shaped, was surrounded by parents watching me snore and drool in the back seat.  So, instead of napping, I get lots of oil changes, shop for groceries and yes, write a blog while waiting. I try not to watch my kid practice, fearing that my latent competitive streak will one day suddenly emerge landing me on YouTube, waving my arms wildly at a retreating coach.

LeBron James' Mom protects her child...www.sports.yahoo.com

Social time and social moms and social mores.

With little kids it was an unspoken rule, at least in my paranoid, liberal Jewish mom circle that you would stay for the duration of the play date.  During the transition to elementary school there was that awkward time when you didn’t know if you should stay or not.  I looked for subtle clues, like the other mom blocking the door, or having her bathrobe on.  As the kids got older new worries came into play and I found myself peering around the host’s shoulder to check the living room for empty beer bottles, drug paraphernalia or pedophiles.  By the time your kids are teens, you are more worried than relieved when your host reassures you “Don’t worry-no in and out privileges and the TV has parental controls.”  Why do they need these measures?  Are their kids wandering porn addicts?

OK helicopter moms and dads.  The bottom line is that your child will not be a better gymnast, or a faster swimmer if you hover.  They will not have more successful social dates.  They will not be protected from seeing and maybe experiencing a range different family values.   So here are my top 3 guidelines for letting go: diligence, cognizance and prescience.

Diligence:  It is ok to help, but not to hover.  You want to be at every practice?  Be the snack Mom, organize the carpools or help haul the equipment.  Get involved.  


Cognizance:  Know your child, their friends and the other parents who will be in charge.  Your child may feign embarrassment when you make that pre-party phone call, but--well OK, they really are embarrassed.  Who cares.  


Prescience:  Become all knowing, all seeing and wise beyond human understanding.  OK, I’m still working on this one. 

We may be challenged finding productive ways to wait as our kids get older, but it’s nothing compared to what our kids experience while waiting for us to let go and trust them.