Washed up at 13?

In my last blog I pondered the time and emotional energy we invest in our kids.
It started me thinking...

By the time my oldest was 18 she had tried the following life-enriching activities:  Gymnastics, ballet, flute, guitar, piano, art, cooking, gardening, bowling, swimming, soccer, tai kwon do, volleyball, computer camp, science camp, and camp-camp.  My younger child has a list of approximately the same length, but with surprisingly little overlap.  Each of my children have eventually settled on one or two areas on which to concentrate their attentions, but I often wonder who these activities are really enriching! Well, according to the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture* miscellaneous expenses (not including basics like housing, food, doctors and clothing) for a single 13 year old child cost between $1215 and $2579 per year-depending on annual family incomes.  My friends with a kid who is actually talented at one of these activities tell me it can cost a lot more.  At the highest levels sports participation can cost as much as $15 thousand dollars a year! (Note: This is a rare opportunity for those of us with less talented children to feel smug.)

While it’s not realistic to go back to the 1960s or 70s (is it really as we remember it?) when kids roamed free and wild all day and played pick up games of basketball on the local courts, there are some sound strategies to manage the financial and emotional costs of after school activities.  Some thoughts:

Don’t overload

Ask your kids to choose one school activity and one outside activity at most.  This can be challenging, because by the age 14 or so, schools and sports organizations expect our kids to specialize, and kids feel they are running out of time. Asking your child to jam his or her schedule might make them a champion at something, or it might make them a burnt out, bored and bummed out participant.  Make a sustainable schedule together, keep it, and then wait for your child to ask for more.  Or less. After all, we don’t want to cut in on their texting time.

Yes, they are probably texting each other.
Photo: TeensUnderground.com

Require commitments

At first I required a 3 month contract from my kids on every start, but after storing the Tae Kwon Do gear, the guitar and the fencing swords in the back of the closet I asked them to commit to 6 months or even longer (eternity for a ten year old!) 

  

Encourage friendships

It is easier to go to activities with a friend. The occasional pizza or ice cream bribe doesn’t hurt either, and it does make defeat go down a bit easier. 

Even Brett Favre needs a little pizza after a tough game.  
Photo: YahooSports.com

Control your expectations

What are your goals here?  Will you be bitterly disappointed if Johnny or Jennie don’t make the Olympic team or win the state fair’s JR. Quilting Division?  Winning might not be the best short-term goal to discuss with your kids, rather talk about personal best and persistence.   Oh, and maybe fun too. And that's real enrichment.

*Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion

Miscellaneous Publication Number 1528-2006