Precision Laundry

Who are you, you women out there who separate loads, hand wash delicates and pre-treat stains?  Are you the same people that are composting their garbage and wiping their dog’s feet before he comes inside?  I have news for you—you are giving me a serious inferiority complex.  Oh, I try not to measure myself against you, but let’s face it.  Your white’s ARE whiter, and your colors ARE brighter than mine.  And I can’t help but wonder if this will have a dominoes affect on my life.  Do brighter clothes help brighten moods?  Does cleanliness inspire Godliness?  Are my dust bunnies keeping me out of heaven?

 When I was young, single and working I sent my dry cleaning out, paid for a cleaner and cooked very little. I prided myself on complete incompetence at home, and a budding talent for take-out.  Party?  Drop  off catering.  Savings?  None.  

I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but as a married woman and mother it suddenly mattered that I sometimes washed my whites with my reds, and that my panties were, therefore, pink.  That my floor didn’t sparkle, my dishes were not squeeky and my house definitely did not smell like a pine forest (more like eau de dog.)  My children wore mismatched socks, and my husband was frumpled enough to attract other women who believed he was a helpless bachelor.

Last ironed in 1987

As a whole, women are projected to control $1 trillion dollars, or about 60% of the nation’s wealth next year.  So, are we all lined up for Ferrari’s and Brazilian blowouts?  No, it turns out that we are at Walmart, which ranks highest in brands most important to women.*  Because we women are not just spending money.  We are spending our family’s money.

The half-trillion dollars that married women are responsible for accounts for about 80% of their household’s expenditures.**  That paints a big target on their back for advertisers, who need to promote the kind of insecurities that require oven cleaner and bleach to overcome.  Let the brainwashing begin!  Advertisers help us agonize over our whites, our mops and our streak-free windows.  And they make sure our partners think that agonizing over these things makes us better wives and mothers. 

If whiter whites and dust free living are what get you into heaven, then me and my dust bunnies and my pale pink panties are bound for hell where I will, no doubt, spend eternity spraying Febreeze and pre-treating stains as my punishment.  Meanwhile, I am stuffing my colors in with my whites and going for a walk.

Partying with friends in my pink panties

Is life better with hand-wash?  What is more important--the state of our home or the state of our mind?  Do you think people judge us by our housekeeping skills?  Are advertisers right? Should we care?

*www.packagedfacts.com

** Joan Cleaver, Entreprenuer Magazine 2/2004 “What Women Want”