Face Off

If you have ever called a dismal house “a fixer upper,” if you have described a potential blind date as being “mature” when you meant “old” or if you have commented on a baby being “a little doll” when you meant “looks like Chucky” you are ready to use social networking.

Oh, Is it a boy or girl?
Photo: famousmonstersoffilmland.com

 I know this may shock you, but you deserve to know. People are not always completely honest on social networking sites. This sometimes leads those of us who are doing the reading to believe that everyone’s life is charmed, except maybe our own.

OK, maybe some people do have more fun...
Photo:ratestogo.com

 That’s what Stanford researchers Monin, Dweck, Gross and Jordan say in their December 22nd article in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.  They outlined what they think we don’t already know: That social media is a way for us to create a public persona that may or may not be accurate. The researchers studied 460 students at Stanford (not a population known for self-effacement) and found that Facebook was creating negative self-images in students who compared their actual lives to posts describing the lives of others.  If these elite students are saddled with  self-pity from viewing Facebook pages I shudder to think of how the rest of us might react.

Stanford student after Facebooking?
Photo: theonion.com

Other studies give us some insight into these optimistic self-portrayals on social media sites.  Soraya Mehdizadeh of York University found that it is narcissists and people with low self-esteem who use Facebook the most.  Evidently, the narcissists think that their own inflated self-image is true.  The people with low self-esteem are using Facebook to frame their fantasies.  Both groups (and everyone in-between) use Facebook and other sites as a tool for self-promotion. With social media we have the opportunity to market ourselves, our best selves, to others every time we post. That’s what makes even Stanford students feel inferior to us.  Why then do we post such idiotic things instead? That brings us to the dark side of social media.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them” but one of the curses of Facebook is that stupidity endures, is reposted, is read by friends of friends, is viewed by your boss, your landlord, your spouse and strangers.

It’s easy to find stories about stupidity on Facebook .  In fact there are Facebook pages devoted to it!  There you can read about the consequences of public stupidity, including  broken marriages, school suspensions, and lost jobs. These people forgot that Facebook is a social network, not a rant room.  But spouses, principals and potential bosses haven’t forgotten. They see some of that nasty stuff.

Some things should remain unseen.
Photo: ifimbored.com

 According to Facebook’s own information there are more than 500 million active users on their site, and half of them view their pages on any given day.  In fact, they are the most visited web site of 2010, surpassing even Google! But forget these big, abstract numbers.  Facebook’s average user has 130 friends.  If these 130 people were gathered in an auditorium, would you get up on stage and announce that you hate your job, present a slide show featuring your underage drinking and nude photos and discuss your addiction to prescription pain meds?  (Unless you’re from Hollywood in which case your publicist has posted all of this for you.) 

 Facebook tells us that the average user creates 90 pieces of content each month. Your friends are reading about your life (or fantasy life,) as are their friends and other harmless, but interested strangers.   But also scanning the content are criminals, pedophiles, and con artists mining data and looking for opportunities.  Even worse than criminals, Facebook now allows advertisers to target you through your interests and information.  The Federal Trade Commission urges us to respect these safety and privacy guidelines:

1.     Make sure you’re on the right site.  OUTeverywhere is not a travel site, and WeeWorld is not a meeting place for urologists.

2.     Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want the world to know. This means post only what you do want the world to know.

3.     Restrict access to your pages. This should include all photos taken during spring break or that wild night at Surf ‘n Bowl.

4.     Don’t post any critical information like your social security, bank or phone numbers. Don’t post mine either.

5.     Don’t post info that can help people locate you offline.  A post like “I nude sunbath in my yard everyday at 2:00” can’t end well.

6.     Don’t announce when you will be away from home. If you must post your vacation plans don’t add “And I leave my key under the mat.”

7.     Don’t use a screen name that could be suggestive.  “Hotnwet” may not get across that you work in a tea house.

8.     Don’t post photos you wouldn’t display in your home. See #3.

9.     Don’t assume that strangers are who they say they are.  (My dog has a page, but he usually doesn’t write it.)

10 . If you must meet people from online connections make sure that you only meet in public places.  Make sure others know where you are, or better yet, go with you. It may not be the person you think you're meeting that you encounter.

Um, my new profile picture...
Photo: luxist.com

Social media can create a public life, or make our lives too public.  It can bolster our self-image, or make others doubt theirs.  It can connect us to old friends, or expose us to unknown enemies. It can remind you of who you were, who you are and even let you try out who you might like to become.  The possibilities are endless. So have fun, but be sane and safe.  Because Facebook is forever!