All the rage.

Everybody has family stories; maybe fishing at the lake or funny vacation trips.  I smiled at our last family gathering as my daughter joined in to tell a Halloween story...until she got to the part about the devil horns, bright lights and police. It seems that the story most central to my daughter’s memory of Halloween is the time we got cut off on the freeway after trick-or-treating, and then pulled over by a police officer who saw me flash my brights at the offending vehicle. As the policeman walked towards the car, my then 8 year old reached forward and pulled off my largish devil horns.  “Just be nice, Mommy.”

This was not a Halloween costume.
Photo: 

 I confess that I have had problems with road rage (or at least road irritability.)  It brings me no comfort to know that I am not the only one. In a Scientific American study (March 2009) 90% of drivers reported experiencing, being victims or witnessing road rage.  It turns out that we Americans are extremely territorial--we guard our personal space diligently-- including the space around our vehicles.  According to Clinical Psychologist Leonard Holmes we regularly and purposely annoy people by taking more time to vacate a parking space if someone is waiting for it, and drive more slowly in the fast lane if someone is trying to push us out. We take it as a personal affront when a driver cuts us off, mouths angry words at us, honks or flashes bright lights.  Sadly, sometimes we hurt or even kill the strangers who anger us. Just Google a phrase like “killed in road rage incident.”  I just did and Google returned almost 2 million results. 

Rethink passing on the shoulder.
Photo: Steigerlaw.typepad.com

 According to AAA “road rage will be responsible for 25,000 injuries and 370 deaths this year.”  That doesn’t include all the close calls and rattled nerves that don’t get reported!  This next fact won’t calm anybody down:  Harvard’s Dr. Matthew Miller took a sample, and estimated that 11 percent of drivers “always or sometimes” carry a loaded gun in their car. More than one out of every ten people driving along with you have a gun! With bullets!

You never know who's armed...
Photo: Drdriving.org

Any regular, easygoing person can turn into a maniac on the road, but there are distinct personality types that are more likely to engage in road rage. (Some psychologists believe that it is a recognizable mental disorder.) Since we can’t stop to assess the mental health of each of our fellow travelers, here are some warning signs and defensive behaviors to keep in mind:

Watch for bumper stickers. An article in The Journal of Applied Social Psychology (June 2008) predicts that lots of bumper stickers and decals on a car are the single largest predictor of potential rage -- 16 percent more likely to be involved in a rage incident than a vehicle without opinions.

Yup.  This bumper sticker could be a clue.
Photo: Cafepress.com

 Don’t take it personally!  Aggressive or erratic actions by other drivers are not about you.  Most erratic drivers are not targeting any other driver in particular when they drive aggressively.  They might be bad drivers, late for their mahjong group or tending to a crying toddler in a poopy diaper smearing stuff on the window. 

Your driving behaviors may be misinterpreted.  Do not help crazy, angry drivers escalate the situation.  Leave space, change lanes or even leave the freeway and drive to a safe place if the situation warrants.  Even if you’re not sure what you did to anger the other driver, this may not be a good time to find out.  Remember some of them have guns and no impulse control.

She doesn't want to chat. Drive on.
Photo: Ideas&thoughts.org

Leave enough time to get there.  Other drivers have no way of knowing that Joey is waiting for you at the orthodontist.

Don’t drive when you are extremely tired or upset.  These states leave you more vulnerable to emotional upset.

Do a self-check.  Edmunds suggests that you tape-record yourself while driving. If you are swearing, mumbling or ranting then you are in danger of raging.

No tape recorder necessary.
Photo: Thevoiceofonegirl.com

Put it in perspective. Of all the road rage you have felt over the years how many specific incidents do you remember?  That’s right you can’t remember.  Because it is not important.

Use your head. Being a patient driver does not make you a wimp, or a person others will take advantage of.  It makes you smart.

Too relaxed.
Photo: Safetyxchange.org

Relax. Use your time getting to know your kids better, enjoying music (talk radio might get you mad) or taking deep, relaxing breathes.

If all of the above fail you, remember that your child will tell what you did at a family gathering some day.

What will she remember?
Photo: Pricelessparenting.com

 I did listen to my daughter that day.  I was nice.  The police officer was nice back.  He looked down at the devil horns in my hand and the red tail curling up the seat besides me, checked out my two candy-addled kids in the back seat, decided that I had enough problems and let me drive calmly and safely home. I listened to my daughter at the family gathering too.  And decided that I don’t want her memories, or role models to be about rage. 

Retired.
Photo: Costumes4you.com