OK, I admit it. I have been putting off writing this for weeks. But since I told you last time how you can get a tattoo with an electric toothbrush and a guitar string it would be irresponsible to leave out how you can get rid it after becoming sober.
If tattoos are, as we discussed, personal bumper stickers, then removing them is akin to scraping those old McCain bumper stickers off of your car...a long slow process that corrects an embarrassing lapse in judgment.
Tattoos are now a mainstream standard. Nearly one of every 5 Americans display their thoughts, memories, dreams and relationships on their body. But as we age, “Hooters” may not be our happy place anymore, we may change our religious or political affiliation (even Reagan changed political parties!) or we may stop dating “Natalie.”
There are several tattoo removal methods, but laser removal is the most popular, with 3-10 sessions required, depending on the colors, size, age and depth of the art. Sessions will cost you $150-$500 per treatment, and will take approximately 15-30 minutes every 4-6 weeks. Lasers work by striking the ink in your dermis with energy that fragments the dye, allowing the immune system to remove it. Different types of lasers are required to address various colors in your tattoo, so make sure that the dermatologist you go to has relevant experience and the right equipment.
Thinking ahead when you get your tattoo can save you a lot of trouble in the removal process. Though many tattoo artists have strong feelings about making their art permanent there is a new ink material called Infinitink that responds more easily to laser removal, and will often require a single laser session. Think of it as a prenup...you know you love it at the moment, but one cannot predict the twists and turns of life. Consider angering your tattoo artist by asking for this semi-permanent ink. If his ego is bigger than your insecurity, find another artist.
Here are some other things to mull over before, during and after your tattoo.
When you choose a tattoo, make sure that it will age with you. Your devotion to crude or pornographic jokes, a particular lover, zombies, fairies or David Hasselhoff may change over time.
Think about how partners and potential employees might react to a visible tattoo when deciding upon placement. Not every employer wants to put a ghoul in front of their client.
If you do remove your tattoo, research your options thoroughly. Sandpaper, lime juice, pigeon poop and a plethora of mystery creams are discussed on the internet. Consider and then reject all of the above.
Talk to your dermatologist about the type of lasers they use, and how they will deal with multi-colored tattoos, if needed.
Lasers are getting better, but DO expect some pain and possibly some light scarring.
What to do if you don’t get a perfectly smooth result when you scrape off the old bumper sticker? Well, do many of us do as our political loyalties fade and our interests change. Cover it up with a new bumper sticker and move on.
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