I just hate spiders. And that’s really too bad, since I live in the middle of the woods and a lot of spiders live here too. People always try to persuade me otherwise, but I know that spiders hate me right back. I am the person they choose to dangle above in bed, and it is my car that always has a spider on the door handle. If I summon the courage to smoosh a spider I am the person at whom the spider will make its last brave, desperate lunge before expiring.
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| My neighbor. Photo: Livescience.com |
It turns out that spiders are widely feared (though some of us show it more than others.) Livescience.com suggests that arachnophobia, our fear of spiders, is innate and may develop in the womb. Gallup confirms that many of us carry this fear through life. Our fear of spiders ranks 5th in a 2001 poll of people’s phobias; a little less frightening than being enclosed in a small space but a little scarier than needles and shots. (“Most feared” on the poll are snakes, public speaking and heights.)
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| We would choose this over spiders and public speaking. Photo: Residencialorandino.com |
I have a long history of ridiculous behavior when it comes to spiders. For example, a friend and I once abandoned her ‘68 Camaro on a rural road because of a spider dangling from the visor. On a ski trip, a friend and I emptied an entire can of her hairspray (yes, hairspray—it was the 80s after all) into a sink bowl to kill an unsuspecting but ultimately well groomed spider. So it should not surprise anyone that last week, when I saw not a mere spider, but it’s bigger badder cousin--a four-inch scorpion-- in our garage storage closet I did not react calmly. I looked down towards my bare feet to see what was moving and suddenly the toilet paper I was there to get seemed utterly unimportant. This creature was nothing like the tiny scorpions we sometimes encountered on our trips to Mexico. It was fat and angry, its tail curling up in the classic “I’m going to f#&# you up” position.
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| Could probably survive hairspray. Photo: Dimackey.com |
Four inches is large for a scorpion, but they can be as long as eight inches, big enough to eat small mice and snakes. Luckily, four inches was considerably smaller than the sole of my husband’s muddy work boot, which I mentally noted as I brought it down repeatedly upon said scorpion while screaming like a banshee. (I might have let it go but I really needed that toilet paper.) Good thing I was accurate—according to EHow “a scorpion can easily grab on to a shoelace, sock or pant leg and hitch a ride to gain access to...your ankle or leg.” It makes spiders suddenly seem to be nothing more than innocuous inconveniences.
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| The source of my trauma. Photo: Thefrisky.com |
Scorpions are endemic to California, so knowing a little about them might be useful:
Very few scorpion stings are dangerous to adult humans, except in the cases of allergic reaction, or when the human runs screaming into traffic.
Ice can lessen the pain of a scorpion sting, but watch the victim for difficulty breathing or swelling that does not subside over time. Difficulty breathing after fleeing does not count.
Children who are stung should always see a doctor as a precautionary measure.
The best scorpion reduction strategy is to keep your grass short, and clear loose stones, bricks, logs and trash away from your foundation before it becomes an insect convention center.
Weather stripping or otherwise sealing the house will help to keep scorpions outside.
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| Scorpions live here. Photo: Fineartamerica.com |
Scorpions come from the sky too (OK, I was really shook.) Prune back trees that overhang you home.
Place firewood that you bring in directly on the fire, not in that cool log carrier you bought from Eddie Bauer.
Scorpions are largely nocturnal. Get your toilet paper out of the storage closet during the daytime.
Don’t keep scorpions as pets. Get a pet that will not try to sting and eat you.
Move. (Unfortunately, Antarctica which is the only continent without scorpions.)
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| No scorpions, but penguins can be pesky here. Photo: Coolantarctica.com |
Both chemical and natural pesticides are available if your scorpion problems are not solved through the above measures. Of course it is worth noting some people welcome scorpions, and eat them after removing their poisonous tails. I’m going to go ahead and skim over that, but if you are a person that does not like to waste you can find recipes on the web.
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| Skimming over. Photo: Wikipedia.org |
I thought I might never go into that closet again. But then I read a story in Huffington Post this week detailing how a Tampa-area woman found a 7-foot alligator in her bathroom, and I though I might get over it after all.
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| Scarier than the scorpion. Photo: MSNBC.com |
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| Getting ready to enter the storage closet. Photo: Geekologie.com |
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| Where all the toilet paper went. Photo: Freerepublic.com |
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